the sound of-
by authenticaussie
Summary: He can't hear his own heart.


He can't hear his own heart.

Not in that he can't hear the steady thump of it in his chest, or feel it press against his ribcage whenever he passes by his stupid, long-term crush in the hallway, but that in a world of hearts that sing melodies as beautiful as birdsong, his is the only heart he can't hear.

There are hearts that sound like raindrops on windowpanes and slow piano solos, and Matthew sways while he listens to them, captivated by their beauty. There are hearts that crackle like fires and feel like fury, get matched by the slowest drawl of violin in someone else's heart and he can't help but smile when he hears them together, can tap his fingers along to their melodies and know that their hearts will balance each other, that they will create something more beautiful together than they ever could themselves.

There are rare hearts that contain full orchestras, that fill a room with the pressing noise of it, that don't fit with anyone else's melody but sound perfect alone, there are hearts that sound so achingly empty and fit with so many people that Matthew wishes he were braver and could help them see who they would be happy spending time with.

But Matthew has never, ever heard anybody with a heart like his. Matthew has never found someone who's heart is completely and utterly silent.

And he knows he most likely never will. That no matter if his heart beats so fast that it feels like it would take a heart with a tempo like a hurricane to keep up whenever he sees Gilbert, there's no way they'd ever be happy together.

His heart is utterly, achingly silent, and so Matthew knows he should be too.

(It can't help him wish and long and hope and ache for the tiniest sound to meet his ears when he's alone, but he knows he'll never get it.

His heart will be silent and he will be alone until the day he dies.)

* * *

 **Please Review!**

 **And also, some more plot things (aKA COME ON I PROMISE THE ACTUAL PLOT HAD I EVER FINISHED THIS WOULD'VE BEEN _much_ CUTER);**

-Matthew gets a reputation for helping set people up! He gives them advice and confidence and cheerleading and everyone thinks it's so ironic that the shyest, most invisible kid in school is the most motivational/the one telling people to put themselves out there

-Matthew and Gilbert totally end up hanging out because Gilbert wants to date Roderich/Eliza and/or he hears about this guy who hooks people up on dates and is like hey sounds like fun. (Some people have used Matthew like this before, tried to convince him that they love one person and matthew's like mmmm...nah. And so he pulls some strings and makes them THINK they're hanging out with one person but then sets then up with another and makes it seem like an accident.)

-Anyway so gilbert wants advice! and matthew's had a crush on him for EVER and lowkey doesn't want to give it to him but high key knows that gilbert's heart is just so...chill and lovely and nice and wonderful and goes with so many people, but goes really well with roderich and eliza? so like, ofc he should get with those two? he'd be so happy?

-But, Matthew tries to justify to himself as Gilbert spends more time with him and laughs and grins and _tells him things_ , is it really so bad of him to be the tiniest bit selfish? He's been helping people get with others for so long while knowing he'll never meet someone who fits well with him, and he's going to get them together ANYWAY, can't he just have...a few days...? Weeks...? Just enough for them to be friends?

-AND THEN GILBERT IS LIKE SHIT I REALLY LIKE THIS DORKY, SHY, NERD OF A DUDE, AKSHDJF WHAT? But he knows Matthew's never been interested in ANYONE, no matter who approaches him, just turns them down with a small smile and a "we're not right for each other" and so instead he just tries to be a good friend and improve matthew's confidence, and tells him to take his own advice and stand up for himself and speak out about his feelings. And matthew keeps trying to give him advice but gilbert just laughs and brushes it off and says he'll talk to roderich and elizabeta later, but he never does (well, he talks to them bc they're his dumbass childhood friends and he ain't never getting rid of them, but he doesn't talk about dating them or anything)

-when he eventually just decides you know what fuck this im going to tell matt anyway, because i want him to know and he- sometimes he looks at me and smiles and he touches my hand and maybe I'm reading to much into this but please-

-and Matthew says the same thing! he says to everyone else! "I'm sorry, but we're not right for each other" except his voice is breaking and he looks so fucking TERRIFIED and upset and surprised, like he never expected it from gilbert even when Matthew was more than a bit obvious about his whoopin' big crush and gilbert was shitty at lying too, and when gilbert lists how good they'd be together and steam rolls over matthew's protests matthew finally shouts "BUT OUR HEARTS DON'T MATCH."

-and Gilbert just stops and stares at him and matthew starts flushing IMMEDIATLY because he knows gilbert said to be more honest about his emotions but he probably hadn't meant it like that. And gilbert kind of just goes _what_.

-"O-our hearts- don't- match. They don't- sound good together."

- _w h a t_

-and matthew ends up 'fessing up about what he can hear and how his heart has never made a sound and the whole time gilbert's just staring at him and then he pauses after matthew's done and says-

-You _idiot._ And he drags Matthew off to the nurse's office and steals a stethoscope and sets it against matthew's heart and says _listen_ and-

-Matthew totally freaks out. He tooootally freaks out because holy shit. holy SHIT. HOOOOLY SHIT. All this time, he just hadn't been able to hear his heart. Hadn't been listening close enough to the sounds and how he felt. And now he can-

-And now he can tell that he and gilbert do work.

-and then cute and fluffy things! ;u;


End file.
